Has it been that long?

So sad I don't post more often...I swear I come up with the most excellent posts at the weirdest times of the day.  Most of my inspiration comes when I'm running.  I think of a topic and write it out in my head but somehow it never makes here to my tiny space on the Internet.  I'm going to try to get better at that.  But lots to share here.  First my lovely fractured ankled is all healed.  Whoo hoo.  It took a long time.  But I can actually say it was a blessing. I didn't feel that way when I was in the midst of it. But I had the pleasure of having a friend visit recently.  She's one of those friends who knows my heart inside and out.  She asked me with caring eye's how I was doing, how I was feeling about my running.  She truly wanted to know.

You know what I mean...there are people who will ask "How are you? How's training?" and they  really don't care or at least don't want intimate details, which lets be honest we as runners LOVE to share!  I told her how last year was so difficult for me mentally.  Having run Boston and having my worst marathon time finish. Then running the Ragnar Cape Cod 2 weeks later, feeling sluggish and having it reek havoc on my body.  Into trying to train for a 50 mile ultra where from the start my body was revolting.  Hip pain, IT Band issues and then just feeling mentally beaten down.  Lastly too running my first trail race in VT with my running coach who is an experienced Ultra Runner and falling, fracturing my ankle.  The year just sucked.  Sucked with a capital S!

But I perked up and said I feel great this time around, stronger than I have in years.  I can't figure out why....She looked at me and said with the utmost compassion.  You really don't see it?  Your body was begging for a rest.  I mean look at what you put yourself through. You needed it both physically and mentally.  It's not surprising to me at all....Not surprising to her at all? Wow! That comment kinda knocked me on my butt.

It was that light bulb moment and I thought "Hell yea, I needed it!"

Since being given the green light to run in December I started slow.  As much as my mind wanted to dive into longer runs I knew I could not risk it.  I built up my mileage. I listened to my body...what a concept.  I have been faithful with stretching and rolling my legs after running.  I have been doing strength training and incorporating spinning back into my mix.  My body has responded in kind and I feel stronger than I have in over 2 years.

find me on instagram: solemomma

I will be taking my third and final attempt at Boston this year.  In 2013 I was running my best marathon ever before the bombings....2014 saw my worst....2015 is my year to own it, crush it for me and feel like what I've put in is what I got out!

Have you ever suffered an injury only to come back physically and mentally stronger?

Run Intentionally!

Well I'm sitting here on my Monday morning sipping my perfect cup of coffee and icing my swollen right ankle.  But instead of feeling sorry for myself I'm elated.  Let me explain why.  If you follow my blog then you know I am in the thick of training for a 50 mile trail run in November.  This past weekend I ran my longest trail run ever, 20 miles of a 50 mile relay in the mountains of VT.  To say I was scared was an understatement.  My longest trail run ever has been 6 miles.  Most of my training for this ultra has been on the road or the beloved dreadmill treadmill so 20 miles seemed a little scary.  Not to mention I was the third runner of our group of three and each runner who came in after their leg said "OMG did you see this hill..and that hill?"  All those comments just fueled the anxiety and fear that was rolling around in my head. It's interesting if you look at it how the mind plays tricks on you, fuels that anxiety ridden side and fills you with doubt when you don't even know what's coming.

It was a gorgeous day, even a little too gorgeous for running.  Temps in the 80's and full sun after the morning fog lifted.  I headed out for my portion of the run around 12:28 in the afternoon according to my GPS watch.  The first few miles were a myriad of hills and trail.  The crazy thing about trail running is that there are places you can cruise along and others where you do not have a choice but to take a deep breath hunker down and walk the trail.  Running a large hill is just a waste of precious energy and not something to squander away.  By mile 5 or 6 I started to get into it.  I felt light on my feet like a boxer in the ring.  Bouncing around, on my toes totally alert and focused on the trail ahead.  I didn't look far ahead just at what was right in front of me at that moment.  That next single step.  I surprised myself at how good I felt at the technical aspect of the trail.  What I had feared the most was really nothing more than a huge ball of anxiety that my mind created for me.  So much wasted energy.  Does that happen to you in life?  Do you waste time contemplating and thinking about what is about to come instead of focusing on the here and now?

I made it to the second aid station aprox 12 miles into my run feeling pretty darn good for the hot conditions.  I had two cups of gingerale and refilled my water.  I also took two salt tabs and went on my way.  The view from here was amazing and the pictures didn't really do it justice.  Normally I would not stop to take pictures, let alone a selfie.  But it was too beautiful not to take it all in, plus this was so posed to be a training run, not a race.

hi hot sweaty mess!

So at mile 15 it was back into the woods under the canopy and much needed shade from the sun.  I was feeling re-energized again taking the trail head on, watching my footing feeling confident in my technical ability to own the trail.  I'm not sure exactly where I was mileage wise but in one quick second I was down.  Biting it hard.  My right ankle turned and I slammed down on my left knee.  My hands dug into the dry dirt and I must of yelled out some profanity because the two runners in front of me stopped and the one coming up behind me asked if I needed help.  I gritted my teeth and said  "No no I'm ok, I just need a minute".  I pushed myself off the single track trail and collected myself.  My ankle hurt like hell, but my ego hurt more.  I knew instantly what went wrong, I wasn't paying attention to my run.  I was focused on the girl in the red shirt I had passed earlier, she was coming up on me and I wanted to stay ahead.  I could hear her coming up on me, so instead of looking at the path that was right in front of me I let myself look ahead.  Too far ahead and that was not where my focus needed to be.  What I needed to do was focus on my intentional foot steps right in front of me.  I needed to stay right in that moment but instead I heard the foot falls of the girl in the red and I let my mind wander to the 10 steps that were coming.  I wasn't watching what was right in front of me and boom.  Needless to say the girl in the red shirt passed me and I never caught her again.  

I did get up and shake it off.  My knee hurt and was bleeding, my ankle sore, but I was not going to stop.  I walked more of the last 3-4 miles than I care to admit.  My foot steps after that were very cautious like a kid that has fallen off his bike a few times after taking the training wheels off.  Your cautious to take those next few pedal strokes for fear of falling off again.  Unfortunately I could not get that fluid, light on my feet feeling back.  I was so annoyed at myself.  Have you ever had that happen to you in life where you are not being intentional with your steps and you miss the mark?  Have you ever stumbled and fell only to look back to see that if you had taken the steps properly, focused on the task at hand and not worried about what other people were doing you would have succeeded in your goal?  Well I certainly did yesterday.

Note to self:  

1. don't let anxiety and negativity predetermine your future, you don't know what actually is to come until you get there. 
2. be intentional in what you do.
3. be in the moment and focus on the task at hand 
4. don't worry about what is to come because you cannot change it or make a decision until you get there.  
5. and don't worry about what other people are doing, this isn't about them this is about you and your goals.

I did finish the race, my time for my leg of the relay according to my garmin was 4:14 for 19.8 miles.  that's a 12:51 pace.  Not bad given the hills and the fact I bit it around mile 15, took a bunch of selfies and pictures along the way.  My lovely team members and crew cheered me to the finish line which was, if I must say pretty spectacular!  The best part of my day was when I heard them shout my name from the top of the mountain I lifted my fist to signal I could hear them and picked up my pace.  I almost cried at that very moment.  

I'm a total dork when I'm running just FYI!

Phew!!! That was a lot of inner work that was found on the trail yesterday.  Have you ever had that kind of moment where you knew you didn't do something right because you were so focused on everything else that you forgot to be intentional with that you were doing and the steps you needed to take to accomplish that goal?  Tell me about it.  I can't be the only one who has had this ah ha moment.

So You Want To Be A Runner?

Well one thing I'm learning very quickly training for this ultra is that you can't just run and think that's good enough.  I have always been someone who cross trains.  Since moving to MA I have tried multiple gyms to try to find the perfect fit for me.  I like doing classes and also being able to use the free weights and workout on my own.  Over the past two years my cross training has been very haphazard. I go to a few classes, do some of my usual weight routine but nothing consistent.  I can totally feel the places where I need more muscle strength to keep up with the demand of this training program.

It's funny because looking back at all my different race experiences the races that I did well were ones that running was on par with my weight training.  So I'm back at it a minimum of two days a week.  If your looking for a place to start or maybe take your weight training to the next level check out Mountain Athlete. My running coach introduced me to this site and it is awesome.  The people at Mountain Athlete know their stuff!  They have training plans to fit different types of goals, ultra running, mountain climbing, skiing.  They provide video demonstrations of all the different exercises so you can make sure your form is correct.

So if you want to be a runner utra runner, then you cannot just run.  You need to strength train to get your body to perform at it's peak.  Do you strength train?  How often?  What keeps you motivated?  I want to hear all about it!

Tuesday Tunes Week 2!

So here we are on to our second installment of Tuesday Tunes!

As I  stated last week I am definitely a runner who runs with music.  I know some of you poo poo that idea but for me it's motivating.  I have been known to skip a run until later because my iPod was not charged.  For me when I hear certain songs it pumps me up.  I'm also a spin instructor so we all know how important music is to those classes.  A bad mix of music can make a 60 minute class painful. 

Like it or hate it music is motivating.  Come on even the most dedicated runner who never runs with music can attest that certain songs can bring out your "beast mode" pretty quickly.


Did you like last weeks selection?  If you missed it you can find the post here.  This weeks song is one that mixes a little techno with an oldie.  It's California Dreaming by Royal Gigolos.  Listen to the whole 30 second preview before you make your decision.  It's such a fun song.  When I play it in spin class people are like what the heck is this but as soon as the beat of the older version gets mixed in and people love it!

Let me know what you think.
Happy Tuesday!


      

Tuesday Tunes!

I am definitely a runner who runs with music.  I have been known to skip a run until later because my iPod was not charged.  For me when I hear certain songs it pumps me up.  I'm also a spin instructor so we all know how important music is to those classes.  A bad mix of music can make a 60 minute class painful.

Like it or hate it music is motivating.  Come on even the most dedicated runner who never runs with music can attest that certain songs can bring out your "beast mode" pretty quickly.

So I thought I would start sharing some of my favorites.  I always am tweaking my play lists and before my races I will make a play list based on the time I want to complete my race in.  I will put a certain song at the 2 hour mark so I can gauge how I'm doing.  Yes I have my garmin or Nike+ watch to look at but sometimes hearing that song at the two hour mark will refocus me on my goal.

So for today I am giving you one of my favorite songs, I Feel So Close To You; by Calvin Harris EP remix.  This has been on my spin class play list as well as my marathon play list.  It has a great beat.  Take a listen you won't be disappointed.



Happy Tuesday!

Am I Crazy?

Does it seem like everyone thinks I'm crazy?  When you tell people you are training for a marathon they look at you and nod appreciatively.  Most people even if they haven't run one can relate in some form or fashion.  When you tell someone that you are training for an ultra marathon you get a blank stare....

Oh what is that, they ask.  So you try to explain that there are many types of ultra races, 32 milers, 50 miles, 100 miles, 50K, 100K, 12 hour 24 hour...the list goes on; but you've chosen a 50 mile ultra race.  Again with the blank stare and maybe an eye roll. The next question I get is....50 miles in one day?  Yes in one day I say.  Again the blank stare, eye brows furrowed, you can see the smoke billowing from there head trying to imagine running 50 miles.  The next question I get is Why?  Honestly that's a hard one to answer because I have many reasons for wanting to take this on.
For starters I like a challenge.  I like to push the limits of what I am capable of.  I know fitness is important for a healthy life but having a goal, big or small keeps me motivated.  I like to have races on the books, it makes me accountable.  Also I really enjoy running long distances.  I relish my long runs.  I do most of my training alone.  I love being with my thoughts, it's where I find some space from the hectic day to day. I can think through things and gain perspective.  It is something that is solely mine which being married and having three children you can lose sight of yourself.  So that's why I run...that's why I'm taking this on. 

So Why am I training for a 50 mile Ultra Marathon...because I can and it brings me joy.  Oh and PS to all of my blank stare friends....I'm not crazy.  Well ok maybe a little :)

It's really happening!

I've got so many things to share I'm not sure which one to tell you all first!  OK first I am officially registered for the Stone Cat 50 Mile Ultra Run- November 8th! Whoot whoot!  It was a lottery for entry so even though I signed up right at 12am when the lottery opened I wasn't sure I had gotten in until it closed 12 days later!

Other great news surrounding my latest challenge is that I have an amazing coach and friend to guide me through this next journey.  Her name is Tara and I will be sharing more about her experience as an accomplished ultra runner in another post.  But all I can say for now is I cannot wait to learn from her and embrace the ultra running community.

Tara & I after a hot 2014 Boston Marathon finish.

As my coach Tara asked me to think about what my goals were for this race.  Goals....humm that's an interesting concept.  It's a great question and one I probably would have over looked in thinking through my plan.  I mean when I run a road race, time is usually the first and foremost goal for me.  A personal best is always in play at most of my races now.  But when going for a 50 mile ultra run the goals must be different.  So I pondered this for a few days and I jotted them down.  This is what I came up with and emailed to her.

OK so I have been thinking about what you asked me, i.e. My goals for this 50 mi trail race.

1. Make it through the training uninjured.

2. Learn how to eat/hydrate properly. Complete the race without being nutritionally depleted. (This one is big for me because I have had many races where I have experienced the repercussions of dehydration.)

3. Finish the race feeling strong both mentally and physically. (I think I have mentioned that I have been having issues with psyching myself out, so I want to feel totally confident in my abilities and not doubt myself or the training process.)

4. Finish under 11 hours.  (I do think this is a lofty goal, but hey a girls gotta dream right?)

Pretty basic I know, but right now I'm not feeling in tip top physical shape.  As for running I feel good.  My base mileage is where it needs to be, but I need to work on some strength training and find a balance.  Unfortunately cross-fit just isn't fitting into my training schedule right now, so I have to look at other options for me.  Hot yoga is very important for my flexibility so I have to get that in at least 1x per week now.  I have an initial plan that I got off of this site.  But Tara has taken all of my requests i.e.  Yoga, Strength Training, need for variety into account and she is mocking up my plan as we speak.   I am very, very, VERY scared to trail run by myself so that is going to be a huge obstacle for me to conquer.  But what is life without challenges?  

This past week was my first full week of training, where I accomplished training runs and required weekly milage.  The first 4 weeks are really about ramping up my mileage again to get a good base.  I was pretty psyched that I rocked my first back to back long runs a 12 mi Saturday and 10 mi Sunday.  ((It is to be noted that I was only so posed to do 8, somehow I had it in my head it was 10 miles and I did 10, oh well).  I felt amazing, way better than I thought.  In fact Sundays run was much more enjoyable than Saturdays who knew!  I guess the object is to keep your expectations low and you won't be disappointed! LOL.  This was last weeks schedule and what I actually did.

Jul 21

Week 3

0        10

4          0

2          0

4     4.58

0

12 12.01

8   10.33

30   36.3

I did more than I needed and I understand that cannot continue.  The 10 on Monday was actually soposed to be done the previous week but I couldn't get it in so it happened Monday, hence the 0 mileage on other days.  On tap this week was this.... I'm off to hit that 14 miler!  I really feel like this is happening! Yippee!

Jul 28

Week 4

0

2     5.58

4          0

6      5.58

0

14

8

34

That little voice...

Isn't it crazy when you embark on a new journey? The endless questions, internal battles, all asking the same questions "what if"....

I have been on this mental roller coaster for about 18 months. Since we moved to Massachusetts in Sept of 2012.  There were so many "what if" scenarios that played out in my husbands and my head before we made our big move. But I'm here to attest that we are still together, happily married (most days😉), we are not destitute, living on the streets....our children didn't crumble from the trauma of leaving their friends or family, we are not friendless or unhappy with our choices.  So right now I look back and think it was all for naught.   Not worth the time and energy.

But yet here I am snarled into another worrying frenzy.  Allowing  myself to be mentally sucked into the contemplating of my decisions.  As soon as that starts self doubt takes over and I'm rethinking everything.

Last night as the hubs and I snuck away for a date night. We talked about our goals for this year. So many were house related, some were career/family driven.  But then we spoke of my next life goal I talked about my 50 mile run. As soon as you tell anyone your planning on attempting that mileage they say "why?"  "Why would anyone want to do that?" Actually I have that answer.  I want to prove to myself that I am capable of something I never thought possible. In 2009 when I secretly started training for my first 1/2 marathon I thought that was the impossible. Yet here I am.... Crossing the finish!

Long Branch NJ May 2009

 I couldn't even run a mile when I made the commitment to myself.  In 2011 I took it to the next level, my first full marathon.  That was hard... I over trained, was injured, I learned a lot. 

Napa Valley CA, March  2011

Have I won 26.2 for me? No not completely. I have run four marathons none up to my expectations.  Many races have been lost "between my ears". Yes you read that correctly.  You know what I'm talking about we have all experienced it at one time or another, that little voice that says "Yes you can!" or "Are you crazy girl, you can't do this?" That little voice haunts me.

That little voice....controlled me my whole skating career.  My mom would say "Why bother going to the meet you already decided you lost or are going to fall."  She was right.  I was and still am my own worst enemy.  Last year I ran the Hartford 1/2 marathon with my husband.  By mile 6 I had I talked myself out of racing and gave up.  My worst half marathon time ever.  I was so disgusted with myself.  It's pathetic that a 43 year old woman can psych herself out, but I'm laying it all out there and it's the truth. 

But change needs to happen...I need to take back my little voice.  So little voice listen up... I'm hear to tell you your days are numbered! I'm running this 50 mile ultra! I RECEIVED MY LOTTERY SPOT! I'm in and I will win this for me.  I will train on the trails, which I am scared of.  I will push through both physically & mentally and I will not allow you to own me any longer.