And On The 9th Day...

In 9 days I will lay it all on the line.  I will pour my heart over the Boston Marathon course for the third time.  This time I am here for me.  Me...and me alone.  This year I will be racing it for a win for me.  No, I'm not the fastest runner out there.  No, I'm not going for a BQ, (although that would be the cherry on top). But I am I'm running this year to take back the joy of running and racing that was stolen from me on that fateful day in 2013.  (You can read about my 2013 experience here and here)  Last years race was all about just crossing the lucid finish line on Boylston Street.  Do I have a time goal for this year, Heck Yeah I do!  Do I think I'll meet or exceed it? I plan on it!

I have spent 15 weeks pouring over my plan and I have stuck to it like glue.  Snow, sleet, rain, it didn't matter, I am like the mailman, and I got it done.  My instagram feed proves I will not  be defeated by Mother Nature.  My treadmill and I had become serious BFF's for a few weeks.  But it's these last 2 weeks of training called "The Taper" that are killing me.  During this taper phase of training your mind has way too much time to think and that's when fear and doubt creep in.

"Taper: the practice of reducing exercise in the days just before an important competition. Tapering is customary in many endurance sports, such as the long-distance running and swimming. For many athletes, a significant period of tapering is essential for optimal performance."

My hormones are all over the board from the lack of endorphins and nervous energy.  I feel anxious, irritable, even weepy at times.  I just want to go out and run...I want to show myself I can do this.  But it's a proven fact, you need to rest and recover and be slightly under trained to preform your best.

Yesterday my emotions got the best of me.  Tons of self doubt crept into my mind and I couldn't shake it.  I needed to get good thoughts in my head and stomp out the negative ones.  I love running quotes and if you search google there is no shortage of things to read, but nothing seemed to resonate with me.  Sitting at my desk I decided I needed something more personal so I created a vision board.  It wasn't anything fancy or even planned.  I just grabbed a piece of card stock and magazines out of the recycle bin and began cutting words and sentences that felt meaningful.  I haven't done something like this since high school and at first I felt silly.  I mean, here I am a 44 year-old mom of 3 and I'm cutting words out of a magazine. Seriously who has time for this?  But for me it was a reminder of not only how far I've come over the past 15 weeks, but what I have overcome since 2013.  A symbol of what is in store for race day and beyond.  I have to admit it was pretty cathartic and will now serve as a visual reminder of who I am, what I've accomplished and best yet, where I'm headed....

Right on Hereford, Left on Boylston! Boston here I come!

If you had a vision board what words would you choose?  How do you calm fear and anxiety before an important event?

Has it been that long?

So sad I don't post more often...I swear I come up with the most excellent posts at the weirdest times of the day.  Most of my inspiration comes when I'm running.  I think of a topic and write it out in my head but somehow it never makes here to my tiny space on the Internet.  I'm going to try to get better at that.  But lots to share here.  First my lovely fractured ankled is all healed.  Whoo hoo.  It took a long time.  But I can actually say it was a blessing. I didn't feel that way when I was in the midst of it. But I had the pleasure of having a friend visit recently.  She's one of those friends who knows my heart inside and out.  She asked me with caring eye's how I was doing, how I was feeling about my running.  She truly wanted to know.

You know what I mean...there are people who will ask "How are you? How's training?" and they  really don't care or at least don't want intimate details, which lets be honest we as runners LOVE to share!  I told her how last year was so difficult for me mentally.  Having run Boston and having my worst marathon time finish. Then running the Ragnar Cape Cod 2 weeks later, feeling sluggish and having it reek havoc on my body.  Into trying to train for a 50 mile ultra where from the start my body was revolting.  Hip pain, IT Band issues and then just feeling mentally beaten down.  Lastly too running my first trail race in VT with my running coach who is an experienced Ultra Runner and falling, fracturing my ankle.  The year just sucked.  Sucked with a capital S!

But I perked up and said I feel great this time around, stronger than I have in years.  I can't figure out why....She looked at me and said with the utmost compassion.  You really don't see it?  Your body was begging for a rest.  I mean look at what you put yourself through. You needed it both physically and mentally.  It's not surprising to me at all....Not surprising to her at all? Wow! That comment kinda knocked me on my butt.

It was that light bulb moment and I thought "Hell yea, I needed it!"

Since being given the green light to run in December I started slow.  As much as my mind wanted to dive into longer runs I knew I could not risk it.  I built up my mileage. I listened to my body...what a concept.  I have been faithful with stretching and rolling my legs after running.  I have been doing strength training and incorporating spinning back into my mix.  My body has responded in kind and I feel stronger than I have in over 2 years.

find me on instagram: solemomma

I will be taking my third and final attempt at Boston this year.  In 2013 I was running my best marathon ever before the bombings....2014 saw my worst....2015 is my year to own it, crush it for me and feel like what I've put in is what I got out!

Have you ever suffered an injury only to come back physically and mentally stronger?

The Day I Didn't Run...

We all have those days...the one where according to your runningbible training plan you should be running but you don't.  It can mess with your mental focus.  But like I've mentioned in previous posts you have to be willing to bend and meet the training plan.  However even the best of people can have life get in the way.  For me training for this ultra marathon started in July.  I had to build my base mileage up so I could begin the 16 week plan, so really this has been about a 20 week process.  I met the plan with enthusiasm and was successful getting in my runs.  One blip was hip pain that came with the increased weekly mileage.  But I was vigilant and sought care from an ortho, just to make sure there wasn't anything serious going on and then I started with PT, having Graston work on my IT bands and deep muscle massage and on my TFL (a muscle in the hip).  It worked after only a few short sessions my body became more flexible and my hip pain subsided.

VT 50- 0600 Conditioning Relay Teams! Looking pretty good at 6am!

On Sept 28th I went into the Vermont 50 mile relay with just enough confidence and trepidation that a newbie ultra runner should have.  As I explained in my last post I took a dive on the trail around mile 15.  I finished my 20 mile leg, running on my ankle.  When I got home and explained to my husband what happened I pulled up my pant leg to show him my ankle, even I was in shock at how swollen it was.  It hurt, but honestly I have a pretty high tolerance for pain, so I kind of shook it off.

1 day after the fall...this was the beauty on my ankle.

My longest run of my training was slated for Oct 4th, 32 miles.  Mentally I had been looking forward to this run for a month.  It's that mix of terrified excitement, where you think to yourself...Can I really do this?  It's terrifying to think of it in terms of miles, 32 miles is far, but when you've hit that long run on your training plan, you look back and say "come on race day, I've got this".  For me that day didn't come on Oct 4th.  For the week after the race I didn't run, not at all...I didn't do spinning or the elliptical, I declined going to walks with friends all in hopes of healing faster.  I laid low.  I spent a lot of time with a bag of frozen peas, watched some chick flicks and rested only being on it when "mom duty" called.  I thought maybe, just maybe if I totally give it time off It would be better by Oct 4th.

This was a week later I had my PT tape it and it seemed like it was getting better.

 Well Oct 4th came and went.  I talked with my running coach, and she said the long run could be pushed out to Oct 11th but after that your cutting it too close to race day to recover for a successful 50 mile race.  Oct 11th I could deal with.  I set my sights on that weekend.  Surly it would be better by then right?  Well I hate to say it but here we are two weeks and a half weeks out I'm still NOT, I repeat NOT doing anything and actually it is now re-swollen and the last two days I have had shooting pains up the side of my ankle.  

Not being active is horrible.  Mentally running is my drug of choice (hahaha!)  It keeps me sane.  Not running has been a test of my mental sanity.  Depression has started to set in.  I thought maybe just maybe I could downgrade to the marathon instead of the 50 miler.  I can see now that, those thoughts are probably wishful thinking.  I had my pity party this weekend.  Reading all the blogs of my beloved running friends who ran Chicago, Hartford CT and those running Columbus this coming weekend.  I had 1 full marathon and a 1/2 marathon planned into my training for this ultra.  I absolutely love races.  The atmosphere has so much positive energy that it's palpable. Race day is what keeps me going through crazy training days. Knowing that the best part is yet to come gets me through.  I was 6 weeks out when I fell.  10 weeks of training lost.  It sucks.  But I have decided to turn my attention to things within my control.  More of that to come.

Have you ever suffered an injury that took you out of your race?  How did you deal with it?  How did you adjust your exercise and what did you focus on? Inquiring minds want to know!

Running with Blueberries

So I have come to realize that running is much like blueberry picking. Does that sound crazy?  It probably is but think about this.  We have four big blueberry trees here on our property.  For the past couple weeks I've been going outside every couple of days to pick the new ripened blueberries.  It's really my favorite time of day.  I usually go out in the late afternoon.   It's very quiet.  I can hear the trees in the wind.  Birds flying overhead, sun warm on my face.  I'm not really sure what made me think of it but as I was moving under the bushes to get another look for ripened berries is dawned on me....training for this 50 mile ultra is like blueberry picking.  Have you ever gone blueberry picking and you look at a branch from the top and you don't see a lot of berries.  Maybe you see one or two berries and you pick them off.  If you stopped there your bucket wouldn't be very full would it?

But if you go around to the other side of the bush or you bend down and look up you see ripen berries that you never saw before.  It's all about perspective, taking a second look.  That's really what this whole process of training for this ultra marathon is like for me.  I've had to take a second look at many different aspects of myself.  I've had to bend, reassess and be honest about what I am doing and not doing consistently.  My perspective on the larger goal is shaping and changing.  But instead of the training bending to meet my needs I must bend and form to meet it.  I cannot just look at it head on,  I must wait, be patient and look at the bigger picture.  Much like blueberry picking if you pick a berry too early it will be tart.  But if you wait a day or two it will ripen into a sweet treat.  Training is a delicate balance of working hard and waiting.  Each facet of the plan is important to the next.  Getting in your runs, strength training, eating properly, stretching and rest are all essential to the next part of the plan.

What I have found is that I am not working each part of the plan.  One facet being my nutrition. As a dietitian I eat fairly well. You can see many of my clean eating food posts on IG. But I'm not consistent when it comes to getting my protein after workouts or making sure I'm properly fueled or hydrated. As my mileage is creeping up the demands on my body are that much greater.  I have to really think about eating as part of the training plan.

Another perspective is warming up and stretching. I've never been good at that. I think I'm just so busy sometimes that I don't take the time. But it's not optional anymore.  My muscles need to be warmed up prior to heading out. They need to be stretched and rolled on the foam roller daily.  I need to take care of them, so they take care of me.

I have also had to mentally change my expectations of my physical capabilities. I cannot look at my garmin watch and look at my time.  If I am honest it's crap.  My legs are so tired all the time from running, cross training that I can't keep a fast pace, it's defeating.  I'm actually happy if my over all time comes out in the 10min/mi range.  That's a huge mental change from someone who's always been obsessed with catching the BQ.  But I'm having to bend my expectations.  I have to take a different look to what the ultimate goal is.

So the next time you go blueberry picking. Take a moment to think about how taking a second look at something; whether is training for a race, an issue at work, a relationship.  How can you come at it from a different angle?  What things are you doing or not doing to help the situation?  For me I have to work on my nutrition, taking better care of my body and be kind to myself.  I have to let go of time expectations during my runs, knowing it's part of a larger goal....50 Mile Ultra Nov 8th!

Tuesday Tunes Week 2!

So here we are on to our second installment of Tuesday Tunes!

As I  stated last week I am definitely a runner who runs with music.  I know some of you poo poo that idea but for me it's motivating.  I have been known to skip a run until later because my iPod was not charged.  For me when I hear certain songs it pumps me up.  I'm also a spin instructor so we all know how important music is to those classes.  A bad mix of music can make a 60 minute class painful. 

Like it or hate it music is motivating.  Come on even the most dedicated runner who never runs with music can attest that certain songs can bring out your "beast mode" pretty quickly.


Did you like last weeks selection?  If you missed it you can find the post here.  This weeks song is one that mixes a little techno with an oldie.  It's California Dreaming by Royal Gigolos.  Listen to the whole 30 second preview before you make your decision.  It's such a fun song.  When I play it in spin class people are like what the heck is this but as soon as the beat of the older version gets mixed in and people love it!

Let me know what you think.
Happy Tuesday!


      

Tuesday Tunes!

I am definitely a runner who runs with music.  I have been known to skip a run until later because my iPod was not charged.  For me when I hear certain songs it pumps me up.  I'm also a spin instructor so we all know how important music is to those classes.  A bad mix of music can make a 60 minute class painful.

Like it or hate it music is motivating.  Come on even the most dedicated runner who never runs with music can attest that certain songs can bring out your "beast mode" pretty quickly.

So I thought I would start sharing some of my favorites.  I always am tweaking my play lists and before my races I will make a play list based on the time I want to complete my race in.  I will put a certain song at the 2 hour mark so I can gauge how I'm doing.  Yes I have my garmin or Nike+ watch to look at but sometimes hearing that song at the two hour mark will refocus me on my goal.

So for today I am giving you one of my favorite songs, I Feel So Close To You; by Calvin Harris EP remix.  This has been on my spin class play list as well as my marathon play list.  It has a great beat.  Take a listen you won't be disappointed.



Happy Tuesday!

Am I Crazy?

Does it seem like everyone thinks I'm crazy?  When you tell people you are training for a marathon they look at you and nod appreciatively.  Most people even if they haven't run one can relate in some form or fashion.  When you tell someone that you are training for an ultra marathon you get a blank stare....

Oh what is that, they ask.  So you try to explain that there are many types of ultra races, 32 milers, 50 miles, 100 miles, 50K, 100K, 12 hour 24 hour...the list goes on; but you've chosen a 50 mile ultra race.  Again with the blank stare and maybe an eye roll. The next question I get is....50 miles in one day?  Yes in one day I say.  Again the blank stare, eye brows furrowed, you can see the smoke billowing from there head trying to imagine running 50 miles.  The next question I get is Why?  Honestly that's a hard one to answer because I have many reasons for wanting to take this on.
For starters I like a challenge.  I like to push the limits of what I am capable of.  I know fitness is important for a healthy life but having a goal, big or small keeps me motivated.  I like to have races on the books, it makes me accountable.  Also I really enjoy running long distances.  I relish my long runs.  I do most of my training alone.  I love being with my thoughts, it's where I find some space from the hectic day to day. I can think through things and gain perspective.  It is something that is solely mine which being married and having three children you can lose sight of yourself.  So that's why I run...that's why I'm taking this on. 

So Why am I training for a 50 mile Ultra Marathon...because I can and it brings me joy.  Oh and PS to all of my blank stare friends....I'm not crazy.  Well ok maybe a little :)

It's really happening!

I've got so many things to share I'm not sure which one to tell you all first!  OK first I am officially registered for the Stone Cat 50 Mile Ultra Run- November 8th! Whoot whoot!  It was a lottery for entry so even though I signed up right at 12am when the lottery opened I wasn't sure I had gotten in until it closed 12 days later!

Other great news surrounding my latest challenge is that I have an amazing coach and friend to guide me through this next journey.  Her name is Tara and I will be sharing more about her experience as an accomplished ultra runner in another post.  But all I can say for now is I cannot wait to learn from her and embrace the ultra running community.

Tara & I after a hot 2014 Boston Marathon finish.

As my coach Tara asked me to think about what my goals were for this race.  Goals....humm that's an interesting concept.  It's a great question and one I probably would have over looked in thinking through my plan.  I mean when I run a road race, time is usually the first and foremost goal for me.  A personal best is always in play at most of my races now.  But when going for a 50 mile ultra run the goals must be different.  So I pondered this for a few days and I jotted them down.  This is what I came up with and emailed to her.

OK so I have been thinking about what you asked me, i.e. My goals for this 50 mi trail race.

1. Make it through the training uninjured.

2. Learn how to eat/hydrate properly. Complete the race without being nutritionally depleted. (This one is big for me because I have had many races where I have experienced the repercussions of dehydration.)

3. Finish the race feeling strong both mentally and physically. (I think I have mentioned that I have been having issues with psyching myself out, so I want to feel totally confident in my abilities and not doubt myself or the training process.)

4. Finish under 11 hours.  (I do think this is a lofty goal, but hey a girls gotta dream right?)

Pretty basic I know, but right now I'm not feeling in tip top physical shape.  As for running I feel good.  My base mileage is where it needs to be, but I need to work on some strength training and find a balance.  Unfortunately cross-fit just isn't fitting into my training schedule right now, so I have to look at other options for me.  Hot yoga is very important for my flexibility so I have to get that in at least 1x per week now.  I have an initial plan that I got off of this site.  But Tara has taken all of my requests i.e.  Yoga, Strength Training, need for variety into account and she is mocking up my plan as we speak.   I am very, very, VERY scared to trail run by myself so that is going to be a huge obstacle for me to conquer.  But what is life without challenges?  

This past week was my first full week of training, where I accomplished training runs and required weekly milage.  The first 4 weeks are really about ramping up my mileage again to get a good base.  I was pretty psyched that I rocked my first back to back long runs a 12 mi Saturday and 10 mi Sunday.  ((It is to be noted that I was only so posed to do 8, somehow I had it in my head it was 10 miles and I did 10, oh well).  I felt amazing, way better than I thought.  In fact Sundays run was much more enjoyable than Saturdays who knew!  I guess the object is to keep your expectations low and you won't be disappointed! LOL.  This was last weeks schedule and what I actually did.

Jul 21

Week 3

0        10

4          0

2          0

4     4.58

0

12 12.01

8   10.33

30   36.3

I did more than I needed and I understand that cannot continue.  The 10 on Monday was actually soposed to be done the previous week but I couldn't get it in so it happened Monday, hence the 0 mileage on other days.  On tap this week was this.... I'm off to hit that 14 miler!  I really feel like this is happening! Yippee!

Jul 28

Week 4

0

2     5.58

4          0

6      5.58

0

14

8

34

New Goals and Letting Go of the Old Ones

The time has come to put it out there....Do you ever notice that if you put something out into the universe by telling someone or writing it down that it becomes more real?  I have felt that way over the past few weeks.  Let me explain...

I think I mentioned I ran the Cape Cod Ragnar race in May.  Just two short weeks after Boston.  I wasn't running on the freshest legs and it was a hard experience.  Hard mentally and physically.  But it was on my 2nd leg at 4am that I had a "Come to Jesus" moment.  I was coming off of running at 7pm, one and half hours sleep and doing it again at 4am.  When I was running there was not a soul on the road,  I was completely alone.  My music was annoying me so I turned it off and just listened to the world waking up around me as I pounded the payment.  My body was cramping, my legs felt like lead, I was practically in tears.  This 6 mile leg felt like 600 miles.  I remember prodding along my legs weary and I thought I don't want to train for another marathon... I don't have it in me...I'm tapped out emotionally.

The Boston Marathon although amazing in some respects, was a total downer for me this year.  In 2013 I was having the race of my life, (you can read more about my full Boston experiences here and here). But in 2013 I was 20 minutes faster than any of my previous marathons, I was on my game the stars were aligned.  2014 the conditions were HOT, the course was so crowded you couldn't race it if you wanted too.  I walked multiple times and I ended with my worst marathon time ever.  Mentally that wrecked me.  Right after Boston I was determined to try to qualify.  After the race my friend Tara said We will find a race and qualify in the fall.  At that point functioning on my runners high I was like YES we will, game on!   After Boston I immediately went home and started researching the best BQ marathons for the fall.  I even registered for one.  But after my runners high subsided from Boston and the mental crap I thought about during my lonely runs at the Cape Cod Ragnar I knew it wasn't for me.  When I was talking to Tara we were sharing our struggles with motivation, goals etc.  I finally got up the courage and told her; "I just don't have it in me to try to train and qualify for Boston is that bad?"   Just to say it out load was huge for me.  Putting it out there was scary because I don't want to seem like a quitter, I didn't want to let her down, but at the same time needed to be true to myself.  Her response was was an emphatic "no it's not".  Ahhhh it was out there.  I had support, I wasn't condemned.  The running Gods didn't strike me down.

Atalanta the accent Greek Goddess of Running

 Finally I let that huge secret roll off my shoulders.  It had been a big weight I was carrying mentally, really since Boston 2013, only realized in 2014.  I told her that my two experiences at Boston were both amazing in their own way, but I'm just not there anymore.  I want this Ultra.  I want to trail run.  I want to push through the mileage and do something that requires more effort than I ever thought possible.  That's where my mind is at, not qualifying for Boston, at least not right now.  So this past week I have been working on my Ultra plan, which I will share as soon as it's been tweaked.  My friend Tara will be my coach since she is an Ultra veteran having two 100 milers under her belt and a few 50 milers to boot!  I do have some road races planned in the fall. A 25K and a 50 mi trail relay in Sept.  I am still planning on a mid Oct marathon but I will not try to BQ, it's more of a training run for my Ultra and then the Ultra in November. Whoot Whoot!

So I've put it out to the universe...my goals have changed and it's ok...More importantly I'm ok with it.  It's the love of the run that I crave.  The thrill of accomplishing something I never thought I could do.  That's what gets me out each day.

So do you have anything you want to do but are afraid to put it out there? Any goals that you need to let go of but are afraid of rejection or seeming like a quitter?  I'm here to tell you don't be afraid the universe is here for you!
xoxo~ deana

Can't-Shake-It...

I don't know what is wrong lately but I just can't shake the feeling of exhaustion no matter how much sleep I get.  It seems things are coming at me 90 miles a minutes, keeping up with three little ones schedules, year end hoopla etc is draining.  I succumbed to having a physical this week.  Which I was 6 months over due.   I told her I was exhausted all the time.  Her answer to me was "Welcome to your 40's."  Well that wasn't what I wanted to hear.  All my blood work came back normal, which is good I guess although it is rather frustrating.  I work out, eat reasonably well and feel like crap.  How is that fair.

I don't know if my body is just rebelling against me.  I went through something similar after my first marathon.  I ran the marathon, a half marathon and a few 5K's and then I hit a wall.  Exhausted tired.  I didn't exercise etc.  They thought I had lyme or some other tick borne illness.  It finally passed but my summer was plagued with exhaustion.  This winter I trained for the Boston Marathon and ran that April 21st.  On May 8-9 I ran the Ragnar Cape Cod race and logged another 23 miles racing. Almost another marathon.  Maybe I just pushed by body over the edge?  The Ragnar wrecked me. (which I have a post started on that race) I was exhausted for over a week.  You don't realize how much the no-sleep and being awake for 23+ hours can wreck you.  Plus it's not like I have no responsibilities once I got back.  Life continued to move at it's hectic pace.  I had to dive right back in.

So what do I do?  I feel like a slug.  I'm slated to start my training for my newest goal- my first 50 mile ultra in the fall.  But my body is telling me something else.  I had hopes of also pulling a BQ this fall.  But as of right now I'm not on top of my game.  Have you ever just needed a break?  But I'm afraid to stop.  I'm afraid of not going back.  Exercise and running are a part of who I am.  They keep me sane but right now my body says slow down.

What would you do?  Suggestions please.

xo~ deana

Celebrate all Accomplishments!

Have you ever taken the time to look back at all you have accomplished?  Well I did just that when I was writing my Races & Bling page.  I figured if I am going to be true to myself and obtaining my goals moving forward a BQ this year and my first 50 miler I should look back on my running journey thus far.  I was surpassed at how many races I have done.  I don't think I realized how many.  Each one has taught me something different about myself.  Some were surprising, like the Hoof it for Hatit 5K, I came in 4th in my age group!

But I'll tell you it takes a lot of guts to post all of your races, times and paces.  So if you see someone who does it on their blog, give them a shout out, because it's not always sunshine and roses. Some races and finishes are just terrible.  I know when I was working on my page I wanted to write my reasons for my crappy times, like it was 85 degrees in March, (DC Marathon) or I fell in a pot hole (Hartford Half 2013).  But don't we all have excuses for things that happen in life when they are less than perfect?  Even my 13 year old comes up with great excuses for a poor quiz grade or not handing in home work.  But my mantra has always been...

You can stress about the weather.  Track the 10 day forecast everyday up until race day.  But honestly it's out of your control.  So be prepared.  Train even when it's raining, run on the snow covered roads....if there's a chance it could be hot....you better run in the heat because it just might be hot on race day, look at Boston in 2012, 90 degrees in April!  No one ever gets the perfect day.  Ok maybe some do, but it doesn't happen often so you better be prepared for whatever race day brings you and celebrate when you do get that magical day!

A rainy 8 miler :)

What are your running mantras?  Do you train for all "what if scenarios"?  Have a great Friday!
xo-Deana

CrossFit....Love it or Hate it?

Have I told you yet I have this deep love hate relationship with CrossFit?  I started last September so I am still a newbie for sure.  I haven't reached fanatic stage yet by any means.  Still have not mastered the double under or the pull up.  I'm not sure if I "get it" or if my other goals i.e.: marathon training and now training for a 50 mile ultra get in the way of me really "getting it".

My fitness background has included working with a trainer.  I started after the birth of my 2nd baby and continued until my youngest was 5 years old.  Sometimes it was just 1x/week, but I just liked how it pushed me out of my comfort zone.  My trainer from Catalysts Health & Fitness is fantastic!  I was devastated when we moved because I had to leave him.  My husband says if he ever comes home to find me gone...he knows I'll be back in CT with my trainer.  Hahaha!  But seriously my trainer was so knowledgeable.  He trained me to my first full marathon.  He was really good at modifying my training sessions as my runs got longer.  He was very big on proper form and he would tweak the minutest things when I was lifting.

I come to CrossFit, with my years of personal training experience and I just can't seem to try to lift these heavy weights without being afraid.  Let me say my CrossFit gym is very, very big on safety and I never feel pushed to do more than I am comfortable with.  However I see these people lifting these massive amounts of weights and I cringe thinking they could easily get hurt.  Also I really hit a wall when I was training for the marathon this past winter.  When I got up into my higher milage I couldn't do my training runs properly with CrossFit in the mix.  My legs would be wasted for days and it was very discouraging.

Two weeks before the marathon I fell doing a box jump.  It was one of those days where I was jumping and every time I made it to the top of the box I was thinking wow- I did it.  My brain and body were not in sync, my body was slower than my brain.  Then wham...down I went.

This was 1 week after I did it (ugh)!

I am now starting to look at my training plans for my next races.  I just signed up for another full marathon, the Wineglass Marathon, Bath NY October 5th and I'm hoping to get into my first 50 mile Ultra for November.  The lottery for that is in July.  So I just am not sure how CrossFit is going to play into my goals for the rest of the year.  When I'm in class I love it, when I'm running I usually hate that I went.  Hence the love hate relationship.  Do any of you cross train?  How do you fit it into your running schedules?  I'd love to know.

Happy Monday!
Deana

Calm Before the Storm, I mean... Boston!

Well it's here....ready or not Monday is a coming people.  I think God had serious taper plans for me this week.  If your not a runner tapering is when you pull back on your mileage prior to race day to give your legs a chance to rest and rejuvenate prior to race day.  My poor little girl has been down for the count since last Saturday, high fevers, congestion, coughing so she has been home sick all week.  This has made me home-bound much of the week.  I haven't been to the gym or cross fit since last week.  Which is a blessing...but driving me crazy!

Poor monkey...on her way to the Dr's in the car...

I have never mastered the art of the "Taper" and I know doing absolutely nothing isn't perfection either but if I told you what I've done in the past this would be perfection.  I am one of those people that is so addicted to the runners high that tapering is so emotionally draining that I breakdown and run something ridiculous the week prior just to keep my sanity.

Let's recap less my desirable tapering efforts over the past, shall we?

1. NJ 1/2 Marathon May 2009- Ran a 3 mile "lock in marathon pace run" on Friday before the race on Sunday.  UGH just plain stupid!  When I told my trainer I thought he was going to kill me.
2. Fairfield 1/2 Marathon May 2009- Ran a 9 miler 1 week prior. Again what was I thinking?
3. Napa Valley Marathon March 2011- Oh this is a good one...ran a 22 miler 3 weeks out, 24 miler 2 weeks prior to race day (in under 4 hours) I was stoked! Then ran an 8 mile tempo run 1 week prior pace 7:30...needless to say I was hurting on race day and many weeks after, horrible finish time on race day.
4. Boston Marathon April 2013- Not as bad, finally smartening up a bit...but did too much cross training in the 2 weeks prior to the race.  Taught multiple spin classes- took a legs class Friday before Mondays race...when will I ever learn?  Although I was crushing my previous marathon times by 20 minutes.  But we won't think about that.

So today I sit here 3 days prior to race day....with this sick little cutie.  Who has saved my legs for me for race day!  Everything happens for a reason!

xoxo~ deana

T-Minus 4 days to the Boston Marathon! Yikes!

My emotional readiness for this marathon is fluctuating like crazy! One day I think GAME ON BOSTON! BRING IT!  The next I say OMG AM I GOING TO BE ABLE TO DO THIS...AGAIN?  I am in full on panic mode with every "what if" scenario running through my head.  I have 3 little's and a husband who I adore..."what if..."

But then my mind becomes logical... I remember how great my race experience was last year.  The crowds, the camaraderie, it was so amazing.  I have to go back.  I have to claim this marathon for me if I don't it will haunt me forever.  Every race is different you can't repeat the past and that is what I am learning.  As much as I want to have that amazing feeling I had last April 15th prior to the horrific bombings, it will never be the same.  It's impossible so we move forward, step by step, day by day.

There is a running quote that is one of my favorites.  I will never forget unfortunately, no one will nor should we.

 If you were here running the Boston marathon you knew exactly where you were at the time of the bombings, what mile marker were you stopped at, me it was 25.9  If you knew anyone who was running you knew where you were when you heard the news....and unless you lived under a rock you knew the events of that day. My memories are burned fresh in my mind.  It's haunting really. The feeling of helplessness, that nothing in your immediate future is in your control is a very real and scary feeling. 

I live in the Boston area and the hype over this years marathon is crazy.  I am so proud of my city and the way they are rising up from last years tragic events.  But at the same time it makes me jittery.  It didn't help that on Tuesday night they arrested some man with a hoax bomb.  The media says it's going to be the safest place on earth to be next Monday...but then I think there are still crazy,    psychotic, terrorists in this world who would like nothing less than to break our spirit.    

One of my closets friends and my running mentor and I spoke on Monday.  She said "Deana I am so in awe of you, going back to finish the race.  I don't know if I would have it in me to do that."  I guess for me there was no question about whether or not I would go back.  I just know I have to...to take control back.  I have spoken with my mother over the last few days who lives in NJ so I haven't seen her since December.  I told her that I really missed her and just felt like I needed to see her before the race.  (Do you ever feel like that?...like, man I need my mom).  Well even at 43 sometimes a good ol' fashioned hug and a few words of wisdom from your momma are all you need to make it all OK.  Unfortunately it's not in the cards to see her prior to the race, so a phone call or two will have to suffice.  But she sensed my uneasiness and asked me what was bothering me.  She listened nonjudgmentally and then said; "I think what is bothering you is that you were stranded last year in the city, not knowing what was happening, how to get home.  So get your plan together now."  She was right.  It took me over 5 hours to get out of Boston.  I wound up dehydrated, sunburned and panic stricken.  So that night I looked over the map of the finish line, I studied the T-stations and commuter lines and figured out how I could get out of the city if I need too.  I am planning on going home with friends, but that was my plan last year and we all know how that ended...

I cannot live my life in fear of the what if's...So today, with 4 days left until race day, I chose JOY....I chose to LIVE....I chose to RUN the 118th Boston Marathon!

xoxo my friends,

Deana

21 Days and Counting....Boston Baby!

Counting backwards that is.....21days from today I will be running the 118th Boston Marathon.  To say I am getting excited, scared and full of anxiety would be an understatement.  If you had asked me in the beginning of March if i was "ready" my answer would have been an emphatic no.  But I have to say this past month like any other training plan gives you, the runner, a sneak peek at how all of your training thus far has been and what race day can look like and I can finally say "I'm ready!"

{picture via BAA- Facebook}

What do I mean by that well in a typical 16 week marathon training plan the first two months are spent building your endurance, basically getting in the mileage.  The third month you get into the higher mileage, you run longer tempo runs and you get to see a glimpse of things to come.  For me this past month has been an emotional roller coaster with my training.  I have put so much pressure on myself to meet certain goals that I'm defeating myself in my head before I even toe the line.  Totally crazy right!  I mean first of all lets be honest I'm not going to win the race.  But winning for myself is important, crossing that finish line is wicked important since I didn't get to do that last year (you can read about my Boston experience past year here and here) and setting a personal best would be the cherry on top.
So I was feeling really low about my training, doubting the process as many marathoners do.  This winter has been so brutal and this is the first winter I have not belonged to a gym to be able to use the treadmill.  So if i didn't get my butt outside in the -4 degree weather running simply didn't happen.  I have been doing cross fit 2-3 times a week, bikram yoga and running.  The cross fit is new for me and well I haven't quite figured out where it all fits into my running life.  Some of the workouts are so rigorous that my legs are just totally spent.  So that has also been challenging.  The turning point for me was an 8 mile tempo run that I crushed! I came back looked at my time and almost cried.  I said to my husband I needed that! Mentally I needed one awesome run to pump me up and this one was it.  I felt like I was on fire, unstoppable!

{pic via- solemomma instagram}

8 miles at an 8:32, I haven't done that since 2009 and that included to 1/2 mile hills, one in the beginning and one at mile 6.  The funny thing about my last couple of runs is that I have run for heart rate, NOT pace.  I don't look at my pace at all, which for me with my Nikeplus sports watch or my Garmin is hard to do.  But it's working for me.  My 20 miler this past week was also pretty good.  My knee started giving me issues at mile 15, but I continued.  My heart rate was higher than I wanted I'm not sure if it was because it was much colder.  I do think the higher heart rate did affect my overall pace.  I still have a lot to learn about running and heart rate but I was still very pleased.

{pic via solemomma instagram}

So there you have it 21 days and counting...now if we can get Mother Nature to cooperate, not too hot, not too cold things will be great!  Tell me do you run for heart rate, pace or neither.  I'm curious to know.  Happy Monday!

xo~ deana

A marathon is just like pregnancy...who knew!

Ahhhh I cannot believe that it's only 4 and 1/2 weeks until the Boston Marathon. This journey seems like its been a long time in the making, actually I have been anticipating this day since April 15th last year when I was stopped at mile 25.9 and never got to finish the race. You can read my story here & here.

I would liken the process of training for a marathon to having a baby. When your pregnant it's nine months of what if's...planning out the small details, eating right, sleeping more.
Kind of like what I'm doing now. I accepted my number in August. But have had it in my mind since last April. I needed to finish something that was incomplete. But this training year has been different. I really needed to psych myself up to the thought of training another 26.2. It is kind of like the first month you decide to stop using birth control. You say "holy crap, am I really doing this?" I made my training plan using the runners coach and the Nike+ apps. Then I took the two plans my knowledge from my previous three marathons and I rewrote it and refined it. I agonized over it and then just like peeing on a stick and getting a positive pregnancy test it was week 16 and time to start the process. No turning back now.

The obstacles of this winter training have been numerous. Snow covered roads, ice, and zero degree temps were like first trimester nausea. I kept thinking "Why am I doing this?" Getting into a routine with training is like the nesting phase of pregnancy! When you start to believe anything is possible. Your runs start to flow, and your mileage builds, you actually start to feel confident and excited about what you have started. But then the last trimester sets in. You begin to feel tired again. Your long training runs are exhausting. I would liken a long run of 18-20 miles to pre-term labor or braxton-hick contractions. They can be painful and annoying but don't produce the end result. Tapering for a runner is like being on partial bed rest. Your advised to now pull back on what your doing in order for a "good result" on delivery day ie: race day. Many people during tapering or those last few weeks of pregnancy are cranky, uncomfortable and "ready to get this over with".

On Monday April 21st I'm scheduled to be at the starting line at 9:30am. It will be like checking in for labor induction (which I did with my third pregnancy). You go to bed the night before knowing that what happens tomorrow will be life changing. You walk into the hospital much like getting to the starting line, your tense and nervous. You just want to get out there and get it done, your ready, and if your not ready well...it's happening anyway! The morning of the event you wake up early and have a good breakfast, because god only knows when you might eat again. You've had your bag packed for the hospital or race for days, but you re-check it to make sure all the important gear is there. You pack snacks and drinks for the many hours ahead of you. You get to the starting line, much like getting to your birthing room. You hunker down, get comfortable with your surroundings, it's going to be a long couple of hours. The gun goes off the race begins. Pitocin starts your contractions off easy at first. Just like the first 6-10 miles, this is a piece of cake. No epidural needed, no water breaks for you, your on a role! By mile 15-18, your asking the nurse for an epidural, your searching out the next water station, checking your garmin to see how much longer this is going to take. If there was an epidural for the mile 20 wall you'd gladly take it. But no you press on. Mile 23, the doctor tells you it's time to push. You're in the home stretch. You try to focus on that finish line, the bliss you will feel when this is all done. The culmination of your months of hard work are going to pay off. You push and push, willing your legs to move. You inch that baby closer to birth. When you cross the finish line, tears of joy steam down your face. Much like the tears of joy of hearing the first cry of your new baby. You did it- you accomplished what you thought was impossible and end result is bliss!

A Cold Winters Day...

This has been my most challenging winter yet with training for Boston our fridig temps here in the northeast are brutal. This morning it is a balmy 20 degrees with a windchill of 12.  Thankfully not too windy and sunny so I will try to get in my 18 miler.

I thought I would post a few of my newest favorite tunes.  I am so motivated by music and I am constantly finding new ones to down load.  I like to try to get club remixes that tend to be longer and have more instrumentals thrown in.  Here's 5 of my latest and greatest all available on iTunes.

• How I Feel~ Flo Rida
• Your Love~ Morgan Page featuring The Outfield - extended remix
• Hypnotize~ The Nortorious B.I.G
• Wild Wild Love~ Pitbull
• Mmm Yeah~ Austin Mahone featuring Pitbull

What are some of your favorite tunes?  Do you blast them in the car with your kids or do you sing like a crazy person when your alone?  I do both of the above and have been know to belt out a tune while running as well.  Yes I am that crazy girl singing while running! Hey someones gotta do it!  Off to run!

xo~
Deana

My Boston Experience...Part2

That night after returning home I climbed into bed and laid with my husband. I physically felt so ill.   I told him I wanted to go to the hospital, that I felt I was so behind the 8-ball with my hydration that I simply couldn't catch up. But instead of going to the hospital my husband woke me every 20 minutes or so and made me drink 4-6 oz of fluid.  The next morning I got up and turned on the TV. Living here in the Boston suburbs it was on every network. I watched about an hour and I simply didn't want to see it any more. By then the home phone was ringing off the hook. My mother, best friends, in-laws all wanted to talk with me and I basically retold my story over and over.  It was mentally exhausting.  It wasn't until my talking to my mother-in-law and I said "Really, it's no big deal" she said "Deana you survived a terrorist attack"...my mind went blank....I started to sob and say "Omg I did".  I dodged a huge life changing event.

Pic via: http://www.bet.com

My Facebook page was blown up with messages...people commenting back and forth... have you heard from her...is she ok.  Thankfully my sister posted on my page shorty after the bombings when she had heard from my mother that I was ok.  My cell phone had over 20 voice mails and 40 texts.  I never listened to my voice mails until 4 days later.  The voice mails were so hard to listen too.  One of my closets friends called frantically panicking, her voice shaking, you could hear her tears, "Deana where are you...we were tracking you on the computer....I know you crossed the 25 mile mark...where are you!"  I still hear that voicemail in my head and it sends chills up my spine.  People who I haven't spoken too in years were calling.  One friend in particular, with whom I had a, not so great parting of the ways, called after 3 years of silence in our relationship, which sent a whole other set of emotional baggage into play.  It was nuts and draining on so many levels.  But all in all the out pouring of people who cared about me was amazing.  People in my new town who at that time didn't know me very well, called, brought flowers.  They rallied.  The women of my book club all wrote me amazing messages and my friend Kathy delivered them to me to read.  Their words of encouragement were inspiring.

But over that week my mind started to process the many "coincidences" of the day.
1.  My hubs starting a project at work & not being able to come to the finish.
2.  My sitter saying she didn't feel comfortable bringing my kids to the finish.
3.  Putting my phone in my zipper pocket at the last minute, when I have never ran with my phone in a race.
4.  Having a $5 bill in my water bottle zipper pocket that's been there for 2 years.
5.  Walking Heartbreak Hill....you see if I hadn't walked Heartbreak hill I would have been in downtown.  I trained for running Heartbreak....my focus was just to run/jog no matter how slow. But I didn't.

So are these coincidences or acts of divine intervention?  That was a question that haunted me for many weeks following the race.  I believe with all my heart the latter.  It's the "why" did God help me and not others I struggled with.  I also was angry...Angry at the men who took the safety and sanctity of running from me.  Running has been my release, my escape, my way of dealing with stress and depression, my joy. That joy was taken, tarnished.  I have never "feared" for my safety or the safety of my family at a race.  But now that has changed.

Friends, Kim, Tara & I posing on the finish.
This is the only time I  got to see the finish line was
the day before when I picked up my number.

I also didn't get to cross the infamous finish line. It's a marathoners right of passage. You pound the payment week after week imagining race day. You project your time and envision the finish.  On race day the last 1/4 mile of a race are electric. You run down the street to thousands of screaming spectators. People cheer for you even though they do not know you. The amazing thing about road racing is that in the moment those spectators are there with you...fighting for you to finish strong.  But I never got that satisfaction. The days that followed many people said "Well you were close enough, it counts."  I said "Until you run under that timer and have some random person put a medal around your neck, you don't feel like you finished. Something is left incomplete."  I have to give the Boston Athletic Association (BAA) props, I did receive a medal, but it still doesn't feel like I earned it.  The BAA also gave anyone who reached the 13.1 mile marker and didn't cross the finish line an opportunity to claim a number for this years race, which is an unprecedented decision.  I applause the BAA for being empathetic and giving those of us a chance to finish what we started.

So now as I prepare for this years race and have had time with my thoughts on my long runs. In part1 I talked about the race day a little.  Preparing for Boston last year was my lifeline.  We had just moved to a new state, a new town.  I was a newly full-time stay at home mom, which I have never been, I have either worked full time or part time my whole life.  Training each day was my soul purpose other than my wifely/motherly household duties.  I had no friends, running and working out was my everything.  So going into the race day I felt fantastically prepared!  This was my moment.
 I am sad to admit that I am scared for race day.  Safety...Um Yes...I can tell you that neither my husband or children will be at the finish line this year, and I am a-ok with that.  But not even that as much as how I felt last year vs this year, physically and mentally.

Prior to the bombings I was having the race of my life.  I felt great, I made it to the start line uninjured (which is a feat for some runners, including me). The weather was perfect (which I had yet to get perfect race day conditions at any of my other marathons), I was crushing my previous marathon times by 20 minutes!!!  Whoot whoot a personal best and I was having a blast. Each town you run through in Boston has it's own vibe which is palpable.  Literally it was one of the top 10 days of my life.  But if I'm being completely honest I'm scared I will not be able to live up to that again.  I want that....I feel I deserve that ending.  But we all know life doesn't give us perfect scenario re-dos and not living up to my own expectations is so scary to me.  My husband said to me the other day "why are you giving up?"  I guess I hadn't thought about it that way.  But in my mind I was...expecting the worst.  But I'm changing my attitude.  I'm going to do this and enjoy every little minute!

So thank you dear readers for reading and commenting....It's not as horrific as what some people experienced, but it is my story and it has shaped how I look at life now.  I try to be more present, enjoy the little things because it can be taken in an instant when you least expect it.

xo~ Deana

My Boston Experience...Part1

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So even when I was blogging last year I never addressed my experience at the Boston Marathon.  It always just seemed to raw.  It's only now as I am preparing for this years race that I am really processing what the Boston Marathon means to me personally.  Anyone who ran the race last April has a story.  They know exactly where they were when the bombings occurred. My experience is only a fraction of the terrible events of that day.  But it's my story...

The days leading up to the race my hubby informed me he was not going to be able to come to the finish line because he was initiating a computer "thingy" at work.  To say I wasn't happy was an understatement.  I remember saying to him, "I'm running the Boston Marathon, and your not coming?" I was crushed.  Our sitter, a MA native and 27 year old nanny was planning on bringing my three children into the city to see me cross the finish line.  But the night before she called me and explained "I just don't feel comfortable going in with the kids."  Ugh that was the icing on the cake.  So I would have no one waiting for me at the finish, except the group I was going to ride home with.  The night before the race I started to get antsy. I didn't know Boston at all and with over 25,000 runners I was afraid to get lost and not find my group.

The day started like any other race, tons of excitement and adrenaline flowing.  never...let me repeat never...ran a race with my cell phone.  But for some reason I was compelled to have it.  I had no plan of where I was going to put it or how I would carry it, I just took it.  So I jammed the phone in the back pocket of my running skirt & zipped it shut.  It wasn't pretty but I had it.  Little did I know it would be my life line later in the day.  We arrived in plenty of time to walk up the port-a-potties and drop off our race bags.  When I was putting my race bag on the bus I quickly asked for my bag back.  I took my cell phone out.  Something in me felt like I had to have it.  I have

I have to say I was so fortunate to run with my high school friends Tara an amazing ultra runner and Kim who blogs over at This Runner's Fuel.  I quickly became buddies with a friend of Tara's named Erik who was a first time Boston runner too!  We chatted and quickly knew our racing abilities were very much alike so we decided to start out together.  It was an amazing morning. Temps starting in the upper 40's with sunshine and blue skies.  As we started off I just tried to take it all in.  I was here...in Hopkinton running the Boston Marathon!  I read every sign, watched the crowd, read the backs of every ones tee shirts.  The energy was palpable. I was so surprised at mile 6 when Eric slapped me on my arm & said "Do you know that guy?" I looked over to see my hubby waving his arms frantically and calling my name!  I bolted over cutting off a few people in the process (they were not happy & not good race equate, but I didn't care) I hugged him as hard as I could, he gave me a water bottle and off I went.  That gave me so much pep in my step I was beaming.  I just kept yelling I can't believe he came! Eric and I stayed together until about mile 12.  We lost each other at an aide stop.  I waited on the side but did not see him, so I went along by myself.

Mile 17 started the hill section of the course.  I had worked hard during my training to conquer Heartbreak Hill.  Every long run would end with a 1/2 mile incline to simulate Heartbreak Hill.   My goal was to run it, no matter how slow.  I hit the first two hills with ease and thought wow, I've got this! But little did I know that at Mile 20 the final hill, the legendary Heartbreak, that rises a half-mile would break me.  My legs were shot, it was now hot and sunny...I succumbed to walking.  I was so disappointed in myself, but I had 6 more miles to finish so there wasn't much time for sulking.

As I descended into the last 6.2 miles towards downtown Boston the crowds got crazy.  It was wall to wall people.  When I got to the last mile there were barricades holding back the crowds although it didn't stop people from running out into the street.  It was chaotic and I was just trying to focus on finishing.   I was keeping a close eye on my watch and my predicted finish time, I could not believe I was 20 minutes faster than my previous Marathon times!  I was on fire.  I was at mile 25.9 (according to my garmin gps watch) when the first bomb struck.  I did not hear the bombs because I had my headset on.  I remember running and then there were people running toward us saying stop and a massive human pile up began.  (Think about it this way, they estimate 150 people or more cross the finish line at that time.)  All those people just kept coming.  They had no idea what was going on.  It wasn't long before people said they closed the finish line....but no one knew why.  My first thought was "Ugh how are they going to calculate my time".  I know that sounds selfish but that's the honest truth of what I knew and how I felt in that moment.  As I stood there, ton's of helicopters started flying in over head.  It didn't seem unusual because there were helicopters following the elite runners earlier in the day.  I took my phone out of my pocket and tried to make a call.  Like everyone else we had no cell service.  Little did we know that cell service was cut off because they were afraid that more bombs were going to be ignited via cell phones.  My phone caught service after about 5 minutes and it was my husband frantic.  He was panicked asking if I was ok.  I was really not understanding his concern.  He told me there was an explosion at the finish line.  I said "they told us they are going to re-open."  He said "Deana they are not going to reopen, it's bad...get out of there."  It was then that it started to hit me.  We were packed in the barricades like sardines, sitting ducks.  I didn't know Boston or where I was, so I got my wobbly legs over the barricade and started walking.   At the same time my phone was literally on fire...text messages...phone ringing.  I didn't have a full battery and could see it draining from all the calls.  My mother got through and said, "Deana where are you?" I said "Mom, I'm fine I can't talk I don't have much battery", click. (When I talked to her the next day she said that was the best conversation she's ever had).  By this time Tara, had reached me,  her husband and 3 children had been on Boyelston street but at the other end, thank god!  She said "I'm getting my kids in the car and getting out of here."  "Go!" I said, "I'll be ok."  She said Jay, her husband would come to get me, but as the city went into lock down mode all of our attempts to meet up were futile.  I made my way to the Charles River and walked over it onto the campus of MIT.  Some wonderful young couple saw me standing on the corner in a daze and asked me if I had just run the marathon.  When I said yes and she took the jacket she had on and gave it to me.  It was one of the most amazing acts of kindness and grace I have ever received.

I walked and walked every T-station I came too was shut down.  My husband was on the phone pleading with me to sit and wait for him to come. But the city was literally in lock down and there was no way he was getting in to get me.  I knew my legs were on the verge of quitting and if I stopped to sit I would not get up again.  I finally made it to a T-station that was going out bound only.
I pulled 5 dollars out of my zipper pouch of my water bottle.  That $5 had been in my zipper pouch for 2 years.  I bought ticket to a nearby town and got on the train.  When I got out I called Jay to tell him where I was.  But he was still unable to get me.  My heart sank.  I had no clue where I was.  I had $2 left and my cell phone was almost dead.  My husband told me to ask a cabbie if he could pay for my fare over the phone with a credit card.  I finally was able to convince a cabbie to take me to my friends house.  It was an hour and 1/2 cab ride because the grid lock was horrible.  When I arrived it was almost 7pm.  I was so sick...literally.  My body was revolting against me, I hadn't had anything to drink since the final aid station at around 2pm in the afternoon.  I had awful diarrhea and stomach cramping.  I had a headache and was sunburned.  I drank some coconut water, got in the shower and started to cry.  The 6 of us who started the day together met up to talk and try to make sense of the events that occurred.  But my mind was elsewhere and I just wanted to get home.  At about 9:30 pm I finally felt well enough to drive the 45 minutes home. When I got home I collapsed into the arms of my hubby crying.  I went upstairs and kissed my babies all of whom were sleeping like angels.  My sweet daughter Sophie had made me a "medal" and left it on my pillow because my husband had told her I didn't get to finish and get one.

Tune in for the conclusion and why I have chosen now to share my story with you.

xoxo- Deana