Thursday, April 17, 2014

T-Minus 4 days to the Boston Marathon! Yikes!

My emotional readiness for this marathon is fluctuating like crazy! One day I think GAME ON BOSTON! BRING IT!  The next I say OMG AM I GOING TO BE ABLE TO DO THIS...AGAIN?  I am in full on panic mode with every "what if" scenario running through my head.  I have 3 little's and a husband who I adore..."what if..."

But then my mind becomes logical... I remember how great my race experience was last year.  The crowds, the camaraderie, it was so amazing.  I have to go back.  I have to claim this marathon for me if I don't it will haunt me forever.  Every race is different you can't repeat the past and that is what I am learning.  As much as I want to have that amazing feeling I had last April 15th prior to the horrific bombings, it will never be the same.  It's impossible so we move forward, step by step, day by day.

There is a running quote that is one of my favorites.  I will never forget unfortunately, no one will nor should we.

 If you were here running the Boston marathon you knew exactly where you were at the time of the bombings, what mile marker were you stopped at, me it was 25.9  If you knew anyone who was running you knew where you were when you heard the news....and unless you lived under a rock you knew the events of that day. My memories are burned fresh in my mind.  It's haunting really. The feeling of helplessness, that nothing in your immediate future is in your control is a very real and scary feeling. 

I live in the Boston area and the hype over this years marathon is crazy.  I am so proud of my city and the way they are rising up from last years tragic events.  But at the same time it makes me jittery.  It didn't help that on Tuesday night they arrested some man with a hoax bomb.  The media says it's going to be the safest place on earth to be next Monday...but then I think there are still crazy,    psychotic, terrorists in this world who would like nothing less than to break our spirit.    

One of my closets friends and my running mentor and I spoke on Monday.  She said "Deana I am so in awe of you, going back to finish the race.  I don't know if I would have it in me to do that."  I guess for me there was no question about whether or not I would go back.  I just know I have take control back.  I have spoken with my mother over the last few days who lives in NJ so I haven't seen her since December.  I told her that I really missed her and just felt like I needed to see her before the race.  (Do you ever feel like that?, man I need my mom).  Well even at 43 sometimes a good ol' fashioned hug and a few words of wisdom from your momma are all you need to make it all OK.  Unfortunately it's not in the cards to see her prior to the race, so a phone call or two will have to suffice.  But she sensed my uneasiness and asked me what was bothering me.  She listened nonjudgmentally and then said; "I think what is bothering you is that you were stranded last year in the city, not knowing what was happening, how to get home.  So get your plan together now."  She was right.  It took me over 5 hours to get out of Boston.  I wound up dehydrated, sunburned and panic stricken.  So that night I looked over the map of the finish line, I studied the T-stations and commuter lines and figured out how I could get out of the city if I need too.  I am planning on going home with friends, but that was my plan last year and we all know how that ended...

I cannot live my life in fear of the what if's...So today, with 4 days left until race day, I chose JOY....I chose to LIVE....I chose to RUN the 118th Boston Marathon!

xoxo my friends,

1 comment :

  1. Bravery doesn't mean you are without fear, it means that despite your fear you persevere and overcome to do for the greater good and for yourself. I am so proud of my brave friend from Massachusetts, from Connecticut, from New Jersey. If you feel any of that fear creeping up on you that morning, you will take it, you will lasso it, and you will ride it all of the way in and over the finish line. Think about what that extra adrenalin will mean for your fabulous race time! Please know that I will be cheering you on from wherever I am that day. Good luck honey, we are all so proud of you, and we are with you :) xo